A Note To The Underprivileged...

When I was growing up, my parents had what I now know to be the rare habit of keeping bread in the oven. There wasn't any real reason for this beyond the fact that we had nowhere else to put it. I didn't usually think much of it, although it did elicit some comment from friends who came over.

It also created a very amusing trial-by-fire situation for our babysitters, whom my mom would inevitably forget to inform of the bread situation. It became a fairly common occurrence for my parents to return home from a night on the town to find the house smelling of burnt plastic and a sheepish babysitter with a small, sad little pile of ziplock bags painstakingly filled with the remains of the bread stash.

Interjection: One of my housemates has confirmed that his family used to do the bread-in-the-oven trick as well. So it wasn't just us.

Anyway, the point of all this is that it taught me a very important lesson, which that you always, always check the oven before you turn it on. Basic kitchen safety 101, in my book.

These memories all came back last week. We are not renewing the lease on our house and our landlord has started setting up showings. In preparation for one of these, I was cleaning up the kitchen and running out of time. I was confronted with a bunch of heavy, dirty dishes under the purview of one of my housemates, as well as the remains of an angel food cake. In a desperate attempt to get out of the house before the landlord showed up, I shoved everything dirty into the oven and left.

I didn't hear about this until this morning, when the guilty party mentioned that he had disposed of the rest of the angel food cake "because it got baked twice." He followed this up with a very proud and self-satisfied, "I don't check the oven before I preheat it." I can only conclude that he was deprived as a child, as his parents must not have booby trapped their kitchen when he was growing up. (This was also the day he left the stove on. Another big no-no. In our house, that would have meant a pile of mail going up in flames.)

If you are the victim of kitchen theatrics neglect, help is available. It may be too late to adopt the trademark cavalier attitude towards alternative storage methods so common among the privileged, but with dedication and practice, you too can learn the art of safely using an oven.